That Can Be Arranged

Col. Gaddafi,

So, you want to fight to the "last drop of blood" and "die a martyr in the end," do you? Well, be careful what you wish for, big guy.

You remember what we did to your old neighbor Saddam a few years ago, right? Let me refresh your memory:





Gruesome. Now, let's consider some similarities and some differences between Mr. Mustard-Gas and yourself to get a feel for your chances of having that martyrdom wish granted:

1. Saddam didn't really do a whole lot to provoke us, or anyone else, and we still managed to wage two successful wars against him based solely on the idea that he was a "cruel dictator." You, by comparison, are currently dropping heavy artillery from fighter jets onto crowds of your own civilians who are participating in a peaceful protest. "Cruel dictator" would be a compliment.

2. Iraq is sitting on a modest oil supply that (some say) would be a far more likely motive for those aforementioned Gulf Wars I and II. (Whether or not that is true, click here to compare oil consumption rates around the world and tell me that you wouldn't off a few "cruel dictators" too, if you had the kind of crude oil addiction problem that we, as a country, have.) Libya has the largest proven oil reserves on the African continent, which already makes it look like the house down the street that has lots of nice stuff worth stealing, but now the social unrest and your indefensible decision to continue clinging to power have left the door unlocked and hanging wide open. We are a nation of oil addicts and what do addicts love to do? Give yourself ten points if you said, "home invasion and burglary to feed our addiction."

3. Saddam never had to deal with a broad-based, legitimate political uprising. You, on the other hand, have hoards of normal, everyday people who are are sick of your nonsense and willing to risk their lives to make sure that you know it. And it seems that firing on unarmed protesters has just made them more committed to being rid of you. There's a good chance that, eventually, they will get to you and who knows how peaceful they will be feeling when they do.

So, in summation, I would recommend dusting off your martyr pants and making sure that your last will and testament are up-to-date because if your own people don't finish you off when they storm your castle carrying their torches and pitchforks, there's a good that chance we will.