I watched the Super Bowl this year. From beginning to end. I haven't been interested in a few years and I quickly remembered why.
The NFL is devoid of likable players, for starters. When they're not shooting up night clubs or running people over with their cars, they're standing around with their mouth hanging open looking like they have yet to produce even one human thought (I'm looking you Eli) on national television or marrying super models (what a cliche, Tom). The Patriots got caught cheating. Eli Manning is a sniveling brat. It's hard to watch that kind of behavior being celebrated. Plus the game was boring. They'll have you believe that these guys are out there playing to win it all because they care about the game and the thrill of victory or whatever, but the truth is they get a huge pile of cash just for being in the game. And that huge pile of cash is on top of the huge pile of cash they get even if they don't win a game all season. For those of you whose memories don't go back far enough to remember the summer of 2011 (I know, that was a long time ago), this is the same humongous pile of cash that the owners and players were fighting over last year and that fight almost resulted in a strike that would have cancelled the whole season. Whew! Good thing they got that sorted out. The last thing we need is for these moronic malcontents (to be clear, I'm referring to players and owners) to be less outrageously wealthy.
And not only did I have to watch these jokers tediously sling the ball down the field for three hours, but then there were the lackluster commercials sprinkled throughout. They weren't good this year. But then, were they ever? Who the hell is getting excited about commercials? Maybe this year was worse because you could watch them all online before the actual game. Kind of defeats the purpose of paying a trillion dollars or whatever the cost has gone up to for that thirty seconds of airtime, doesn't it?
Then there was half time. It was sponsored by a tire company. Flashy. Nothing says once-a-year, largest-audience-ever-in-the-history-of-television event like being sponsored by all weather radials. Then an animated wax figure that sort of resembled Madonna slowly cartwheeled around the stage. It was unbearable. There was a middle finger hidden in there somewhere, or so I heard. I didn't see it as I had already passed out from boredom by that time.
C and I used Super Bowl Sunday as an excuse to eat a lot of junk food, drink beer and sit on the couch all day, which was fun. But I just assume watch anything else while doing it.
A couple weeks later, I watched the Grammy's. What a train wreck. Thankfully, it was recorded on the DVR and I could fast-forward through the parts that were terrible. I watched Adele. And that was pretty much it. Beach Boys - fast forward. Chris "Assault and Battery" Brown - fast forward (TWICE). Sir Paul McCartney who, incidently, appears to have recently celebrated his two hundred and eleventh birthday - fast forward. Niki Minaj's satanic cult ritual - fast forward. The guy from Rhinestone Cowboy - you get the picture.
Next is the Oscars. Am I going to subject myself to that steaming pile of hog shit as well? Probably. It might not be terrible. But if it is, I'm going to have to really start wondering if these events that I've never found so disgustingly unenjoyable in the past are actually getting worse as the years go on, or is all of this distaste just part of my evolution into a grumpy, constantly complaining old man?
**Update**
I intended to watch the Oscars (all 14 hours of them), however through devine intervention my DVR malfunctioned and did not record the event. Miracles really do happen.
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