Public Service Announcement

Facebook friends,

I feel it is important for me to let you know that there exists a clear list of things that, if posted by you, WILL get you permanently hidden from my newsfeed. Below is a copy of that list. I suggest that you read it carefully and that you consider the consequences of what you're about to do when you are on the verge of posting one of the following ill-advised status updates.

You WILL get hidden if you:

1. Mention how excited you are about seeing "Fast and Furious 5".
2. Express ANY support for Donald Trump for president, or the idea that the current President of the United States was possibly not born in this country.
3. Post any nostalgic recollection of the "Bush Years".
4. Subject us all to a picture of your fat-pregnant-belly. NO ONE wants to see that. Trust me.
5. Notify me that you have just friended "Prince William of Wales"
6. Discuss the outcome of any reality show. This includes, but is not limited to, American Idol, The Voice, Chopped, X Factor, Dancing with the Stars, America's Next Top Model, Rock of Love, and Temptation Island.

Thank you for your time and attention and I, again, encourage you to strongly consider these guidelines when posting.

Beastie Boys

Make Some Noise. The new single from the Beastie Boys. It's awesome. Check it out. Album available May 3rd. Buy it.

Happy Easter

Dear "Lady Gaga",

Judas does not love you back. He can't be trusted. If you knew how to read, you would already know that.

I honestly believe that being turned over to Pontius Pilate for crimes against the state would be less painful than listening to your music.

Now, shut up and leave my poor innocent eardrums alone. They didn't do anything to deserve the abuse you have subjected them to. Unless of course, they are the twin sons of God and YOU are the devil incarnate.

If only there were some evidence to support that idea...

To understand the U.S. federal budget, divide by 100,000,000

Philip Greenspun divided the U.S. 2011 federal budget by 100,000,000 and wrote a little parable:

"We have a family that is spending $38,200 per year. The family's income is $21,700 per year. The family adds $16,500 in credit card debt every year in order to pay its bills. After a long and difficult debate among family members, keeping in mind that it was not going to be possible to borrow $16,500 every year forever, the parents and children agreed that a $380/year premium cable subscription could be terminated. So now the family will have to borrow only $16,120 per year."

Way to go Congress, you really tackled that problem.


PR

Pet Peeves: Vol. 1

People in their 40's who use the phrase, "It's all good."

'Tis the Season...For Pain, Suffering and Humiliation

Because I know you're dying to hear all about it, I want to assure you that, so far, my softball team is performing at least as horribly as expected this season. We've managed to loose every game, we've had an on-field collision that resulted in a concussion, we've had a season ending ankle injury and we've cleared out the entire supply of Icy Hot patches at our local Target store.

We suck.

You should come watch us play sometime, it's a real hoot.

Here are our individual stats for the season. Keep in mind that this is Rec League, Slow Pitch Softball before you start thinking to yourself, "Oh, a .400 batting average isn't so bad."

Trust me, it is.

April is for Fools

Well done, Google. Well done, indeed.

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